mistakes and lessons

Mistakes are teaching mechanisms that have been built into our society since the beginning of...well society. When we make a mistake it is up to us to learn from it. But, its in our own hands to learn from. People can't tell you that "you haven't learned" or "you have learned", because its something that is on the inside of you.
My mistake from November shaped my senior year into a pit of shit and despair. I didn't get to enjoy the fruits of labor, the friends, the anything. My senior year has sucked, and it won't be getting any better. I'm 18 as of thursday, and still, i'm being punished for something that happened six months ago. They say i haven't learned my lesson because i don't have a job. But let me ask you this, if you were told to get a job, that you couldn't choose what kind of job it was, and that every paycheck you get would be given to your parents, would you want a job? I want a job for freedom, will i get it? No. My parents don't work that way. They had an excuse to tell me that the reason why they wanted me to give them my money was so they could put it away for me...i'm not an idiot. My dad keeps telling me that i have an excuse for everything. And yet my dad doesn't want to admit his excuses either. When i first got grounded, i had my $300 worth of clothes thrown out...that was my money thrown down the drain. I was told i needed to go to church, i was told that i couldn't talk to my girlfriend. My dad first said it was to teach me a lesson. Then with the clothes a couple months later he told me was because i cost him money with my hospital bill (even though i hadn't lived with him until november, and my mother and step dad pay for everything), then with church he said it was so i was "aware" of religion. With the girlfriend he told me was because my mother said we brought out the worst in each other. Then, just last week, it all changed again. Church was now an outlet, not seeing my girlfriend was so i wasn't distracted, and throwing my clothes away was so i could focus on school....ummm, DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING DUMB!!! My dad wanted to show that he had power, just like he did this past weekend, he got me a haircut, i told the girl how i wanted it cut, and he toldher how to cut it. I wasn't paying so i couldn't say no. Well, with my clothes from two years ago, i looked like a homo...now with this haircut, i look like a ragin' queer...Yeah, my dad says it was "to help with your interview", bullshit. This came at the time that i told them i was going to be out of town this weekend to be at prom with my girlfriend. I'm sorry, but too convenient.
I'm sick of bullshit, i'm sick of lying, i'm sick of excuses, i'm sick of them. Once i turn 18, they aren't going to be happy with how i will change. I'm done dealing with all this shit. I'm 18, not a fucking child, and they are going to know very shortly just how pissed off they made me. Peace.