Fucking hell

You gotta love it when you find girl thatyou really like. I mean honestly what's better than that? To be able to fall in love. Feelings it's warm carress as you hold the woman that you think the world of. It's one of the most amazing feelings in the world in my opinion. So there is this girl. Her and I had a thing a long while ago. And well we have been given a second chance. And after what happened with my ex, I never thought that I would be able to feel towards anyone again. And well right now, I'm actualy in the beginning stages if falling in love with this woman. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose myself if I keep this up. But at the same time she makes me smile and I just live every second that I get with her. I just don't see how anyone could not fall in love with this girl. And you'd that with her feeling the same way towards me that everything would be hunky dory right? Fuck no. I used to have a social networking site. And it was pretty much the teenage version of match.com. Well after a while I found it so entertaining to just post random sexual things on it just to see who was actually paying attention to me. My friend kept telling me over and over again to delete it. Bur I didn't because it was one of the only ways to talk to a good friend if mine. Well the girl that I like right...her ex finds me on this website. An I hadn't been on it in quite sometime, because I had her so why the fuck would I be on it. Well the ex found the posts that I had and told her about them. Made sure that she knew what I was saying. And now...I'm fucked. Because how do I explain to her that I was just meaning around? That I was only doing it to see what kind of attention that I would get? She's had so many people treat her like dirt, that i'm the first guy in a long tome to come along and treat her the way she deserves. Ad then she sees that shit? I fucked up so bad and now I'm going to lose her because I'm a ficking moron. I hate myself so much at this moment. I thought that everything would be great between us...but I forgot how my luck is. How horrible of a person that I am. Now I've probably lost her...and I can't do a shitting thing about it...somedays...