My Fault

You know, I find it quite funny how parents are. I mean when a kid makes a mistake, what happens? They get in trouble. But what happens when parents make mistakes? Well in my case, parents don't make mistakes. They blame it all on me. I'm the reason that my mother and my step-dad fight, it's my fault that my step sister is treated better than the three other kids that are living in that house. It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault. It is getting so bad that even when my friends and i fight, as in, if they kissed my gf, it would be my fault. I'd blame it all on me. My ex girlfriend cheated on me many times...and it was my fault...i blamed it on me, and so did she. Is it really my fault? No, it isn't. But after listening to the people who are supposed to love you, supposed to care for you, when they say how worthless you are, say how everything is your fault...one starts to believe the BS that they are fed. Unfortunately i have. I made a mistake this year...smoking laced pot...and ever since i've been grounded...no friends...my clothes thrown out ($300 of my money)...forced to go to church...the list goes on and on. And i could understand some of the punishment...like paying the hospital bill...but taking MY clothes away, taking away MY freedom of religion, blackmailing me into living with them, or going into the military...One stops giving a shit about their parents...and then they take away the last thing you hold dear. My girlfriend who had been working her hardest to make me better, was taking away from me. Her and i barely talk anymore thanks to them. But thats MY fault that my step dad lied to my father. I watch how everyone else's parents are...and i wonder what i did to have deserved what has been handed to me. I know i'm not a great kid...but i know i deserve better than being beaten. But for some reason...they believe i deserve it. My step dad has manipulated my mom into thinking i'm satan or something. My dad hasn't been in my life until i smoked weed this year...november of 09. But its my fault that my dad was not in my life apparently.
They wonder why i'm depressed...and i tell them. I'm told that i need to stop trying to get sympathy and grow up. I am nothing to them...i know it...i love my mom more than anything, but with my step dad around...i'm nothing. It sucks to know that the only thing in your life is your imagination. The one escape that you've got left because everything else has been stolen. My parents have abused me, whether physical, mental, or verbal...its been hard...but to them...its all my fault. They are the Messiah...they do nothing wrong...I am the Antichrist...its how they look at everything...and because i am not 18...i can't say or do anything...i have 4 weeks left until i can finally be gone...but who knows how long it will take for me to be mentally healthy again...