What if

What if I'm falling too fast? What if I'm finding out that the feelings I have for are more than I anticipated? That what I feel for you is scaring me so much that I just want to walk away from you? I can't feel this way, I just can't. I won't let you hurt me. I just can't be vulnerable again. Help me...what can I do? I'm drowning in my own skin. My mind is betraying me. My heart is yelling at me. Why?! Why the fuck did you do this to me? I just can't let this happen

I just don't know

I really justdont know what to do right now. I want to keep trying to et ahold of her, but I know that I'll just keep pushing her away if I do so. I'm so lost right now. I wish I could something

Fucking hell

You gotta love it when you find girl thatyou really like. I mean honestly what's better than that? To be able to fall in love. Feelings it's warm carress as you hold the woman that you think the world of. It's one of the most amazing feelings in the world in my opinion. So there is this girl. Her and I had a thing a long while ago. And well we have been given a second chance. And after what happened with my ex, I never thought that I would be able to feel towards anyone again. And well right now, I'm actualy in the beginning stages if falling in love with this woman. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose myself if I keep this up. But at the same time she makes me smile and I just live every second that I get with her. I just don't see how anyone could not fall in love with this girl. And you'd that with her feeling the same way towards me that everything would be hunky dory right? Fuck no. I used to have a social networking site. And it was pretty much the teenage version of match.com. Well after a while I found it so entertaining to just post random sexual things on it just to see who was actually paying attention to me. My friend kept telling me over and over again to delete it. Bur I didn't because it was one of the only ways to talk to a good friend if mine. Well the girl that I like right...her ex finds me on this website. An I hadn't been on it in quite sometime, because I had her so why the fuck would I be on it. Well the ex found the posts that I had and told her about them. Made sure that she knew what I was saying. And now...I'm fucked. Because how do I explain to her that I was just meaning around? That I was only doing it to see what kind of attention that I would get? She's had so many people treat her like dirt, that i'm the first guy in a long tome to come along and treat her the way she deserves. Ad then she sees that shit? I fucked up so bad and now I'm going to lose her because I'm a ficking moron. I hate myself so much at this moment. I thought that everything would be great between us...but I forgot how my luck is. How horrible of a person that I am. Now I've probably lost her...and I can't do a shitting thing about it...somedays...

i'm going out of my head. i just got back from the hospital. i was in the "wacky shack". I needed it, and it really helped me find myself. unfortunately i realized that the love of my life, and my best friend...needs to go. she caused me alot of pain. and she...idk, i feel used by her. shes my everything. and i just need to let go. i need to get my life figured out...and she isn't mature enough for a relationship. who knows...maybe in the future we can be together, but i can't rely on that. she is my heart and soul...but its just time for me to move on. i need to let go as well. she...idk...i don't think she loves me at all...and hasn't for awhile.

curve ball

life is fragile. there is nothing that truly holds us in place. I always thought that my rock was my girlfriend...i found out that that only gets you a broken heart, broken dreams, and a broken mind. I've never been a stable person. after my girlfriend moved out on me, i started losing it. Then she broke up with me, and sent me over the edge. I gave up everything, literally everything, for this girl. I now live with my parents again because i had a mental break because the stress got to me so bad i wanted to die. I am going to hospital tomorrow that is going to help me get myself on my feet again. Am i happy? hell no...but i know i have to do this. Five years has turned out to be nothing bit a waste of my time. I gave her my everything...and she held back. I now know it just isn't worth it anymore. Girls are girls, and always will be. They are out there to fuck you over. After her trying to convince me for 4 months to move down to her town and in with her, i did. And then she left me. it all feel so pointless. I gave up all that time just for her, and it ended up just to be so i could get hurt. Shes already kissing other guys...the douche fuck she cheated on me with years ago. It makes me wonder if she ever really did care about me. If she meant it everytime she said she loved me...everytime we made love...hell i even doubt she was a virgin now...My entire life has been flipped upside down, and i have no idea where i'm going. I used to know exactly what i was doing with my life...but now i failed. I no longer have my own place, i no longer have a job. I'm broke ass poor, my claim for my car accident got denied...yeah. So much on my plate that i can't really deal with it. I'm hoping that the doctors i see give me good advice on what to do with this girl. She used to be my absolute best friend...now i don't know. I may have to completely cut her out of my life just so i can be stable. if thats how it has to be, then so be it. I'm sick of her hurting me all the time. Enough is enough. My health is more important than my love for her. I guess we'll just see what happens when i get out of the hospital...

is it over?

5 years. Five solid years of love and everything that you need. This girl is my everything, my forever girl. And now....now its over. She says that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore. I don't belive thats the only reason. She never hurt me. I'm at a complete loss. Everything we had planned was so concrete and so detailed there was no way for it to fail. We planned everything that we needed. We know that we are made for each other. That destiny brought us together after so many years apart. We believe that everything happens for a reason. However, what is happening now...what is the reason? She doesn't want to be with me anymore...how can that be good? I believe in soul mates. She is mine. I know it. When we are together we both feel a strong connections that we cannot describe. We know our love is pure and fundamental. Everything we have with each other is pure, simple, and nothing but the truest of true loves. Everytime we made love, it was indescribable. always perfect, always. Nothing can even amount to what we had with each other. And now its gone. And it makes no sense as to why that would happen. Everything was going great...and then it was over. I don't understand. I'm completely broken, my entire life plan is destroyed. I gave her everything i had. I have nothing more to give. And i never will again. She has me. Always and forever. I love you truffles. Always and forever....

My life

so what happens when you move in your girlfriend? for me itwas unexplicable bliss...for her...idk. i love her so much. And yet, she left me.I called her a bitch, and i disrespected her. So she left. So no i'm left with an empty apartment not knowing whether or not i'm gonna make it without her. I don't even know if want to get back together with her. Thats the hard part. I don't know if i want her becausei love her or because its just habit to be with her. I've beenwith herforever, and i've loved her for ever. I don't know what i'm gonna do without her. I love her so much...but i don't know if she feels the same. She took everything out of the apartment, and i'm empty...along with the house that used to be home. My heart is shattered and i don't know what to do. It feels good that i still have writing to help me through this.